She was much troubled at this occurrence, and
at the attraction which she now experienced for a man she had never seen
before and whom she had always looked upon as a worthless vagabond.
Shortly afterward she had an erotic dream concerning a man who sobbed at
her knees. Later she again saw the nurse's son, but was agreeably
surprised to find that, though a good-looking youth, he no longer caused
her any emotion, and he disappeared from her mind, though the erotic
dreams concerning an unknown sobbing man still occurred rather frequently.
During the next ten years she suffered from various disorders of more or
less hysterical character, and, although not disinclined to the idea of
marriage, she refused all offers, for no man attracted her. At the age of
23, when staying in the Pyrenees, she made an excursion into Spain, and
was present at a bull-fight. She was greatly excited by the charges of the
bull, especially when the charge was suddenly arrested.[133] She felt no
interest in any of the men who took part in the performance or were
present; no man was occupying her imagination. But she experienced sexual
sensations and accompanying general exhilaration, which were highly
agreeable.
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